Stronger Leader Blog
"We can do hard things," says Glennon Doyle. Her words swim around my head as I watch a little newborn human learn to do all the hard stuff of life from the very beginning.
This Women's History Month, I've spent a lot of time with my niece and her new baby. I haven't been around an infant in about 25 years, so I'm really enjoying the wonder of it all.
Recognizing Black History has come to mean more to me over the past two years, as my eyes have opened wider to the injustices and inequities that remain in our society and the continued struggle for civil rights. Real structural issues are baked into our world, from health equity to housing equity to pay equity to implicit bias to voting rights. As a White woman, I still have much to learn.
I've joined a number of efforts to increase diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), both in our department at work, in the educational materials we develop for the healthcare workforce, and in our community by helping to start a DEI committee and book group for AAUW Camarillo Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (the Facebook and discussion group are open to all, not just members).
Are you registered to vote? Today is National Voter Registration Day, so it's the perfect time to complete your registration or check on yours if you are already registered. With the pandemic and so many irregularities with the mail and other government mechanisms we rely on for our vote, we have to be more vigilant than ever.
Here in California, each voter will receive a ballot by mail. My plan is to complete my ballot, carefully follow the instructions for sealing and signing, then dropping it off in my local ballot drop box at our City Government Center. California also has an online system where you can track your ballot! Click here for the info. Check to see if your state has one too!
One hundred years ago today, after an over seven-decade fight, white women won the right to vote. Women of color would not get their turn for decades more, and many people still find obstacles to voting.
Today we celebrate the centennial of the day the 19th Amendment was signed into law. After months planning an in-person festival with a consortium of women's groups throughout Ventura County, we instead celebrate in a virtual event that includes performances, presentations, museum exhibits, interviews, and more, culminating in a live "Toast to Tenacity," as we encourage all to "Use Your Voice, Use Your Vote."
Space is limited and registration is required. A detailed schedule is available on the Toast to Tenacity Vision 2020 Facebook Page, where you can also find the registration link. Sign up and join us for a fun and informative two hours. The recording will be available if you miss it.
Imagine if, to honor 100 years of women's suffrage, 100% of women voted....
Here's to true equality, liberty, and justice for all.
Best, Gloria
In 2020, we celebrate 100 years since the ratification of the 19th amendment that granted some women the right to vote (women of color waited much longer for their turn). Women and men spent decades fighting for women's suffrage.
As the primary season gets into full swing, I hope you are registered and plan to use your hard-fought right to vote. Do it for the ladies, including Susan B. Anthony, who showed up for nearly nearly 40 years straight to propose the passage of women's suffrage in the US. Do it for the other prominent suffragists, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Alice Paul, and Harriet Tubman. Do it for the men who knew that women needed a voice through their vote. Do it in honor of Women's History Month!
I’ve been having a blast with a group of women in our county bringing attention to this important centennial that is happening during an election year. Vision 2020 Ventura County is the local arm of a national women’s equality consortium based at Drexel University. We are a non-partisan local coalition of women’s groups seeking to raise awareness about the centennial of the ratification of the 19th amendment that gave women the right to vote. Find us on Facebook for updates on monthly events throughout the year. You can also find many of these events on my website calendar.
Imagine if 100% of women voted to celebrate 100 years of suffrage.
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope that title caught your attention! When you think of work, you don't usually think of hearts, love, and valentines. But loving what you do can make all the difference in your job satisfaction and effectiveness. And showing love to your team can be a real game changer.
Of course I'm not talking about romantic love. But as a leader, think of the gratitude you express to your team as work-appropriate love. This year, I gave homemade valentines to my team to show my appreciation for all they do. I also had fun with the flash-back to arts and crafts as a kid.
Here's to more love in the world, at work, at home, and in the community and all those little ways we make the lives of others better.
Meta: It can take time to gain trust when you take on a new role. Start showing the qualities of a stronger leader from the very beginning.
It can take time to gain trust when you take on a new role. Whether you are serving on the board of a non-profit or have accepted an executive position in a corporate setting or working as a consultant with a new client, the way you interact with your colleagues will set the tone for how well the team works together. In turn, the work environment will directly impact the quality of work produced. Better work environment, better work.
In order to get the most from your team, model good habits from the beginning that demonstrate a high level of emotional intelligence (e.g., understanding yourself and others). As you get to know your new colleagues, demonstrate self-awareness by acknowledging your skills and where you need support. Asking for help in an authentic way will help your team get to know you and will build trust as you show your willingness to acknowledge all parts of you.
A trusted leader is also a good listener. Active listening skills increase engagement with others and help you understand what’s going on. You’re the newbie, after all. I remember when the new president of our local university started her new position. Of course everyone in the community wanted a piece of her. But she very intentionally devoted her first six months to a “listening tour” as she met with students, faculty and staff and learned the ins and outs, the culture and the norms of her new campus. She built trust by taking the time to find out what was important to others.
Another important way to build trust in a new team is to define success. Be transparent about goals and expectations. Specify metrics they can check along the way. With everyone on the same page and working toward a shared goal, the work environment is bound to be a positive one.
Building trust with a new team is possible from the very beginning when you show that each member of the team is valued. Demonstrating empathy and acknowledging diverse opinions, beliefs, experiences, and skill sets show that you are a person who can lead the team to success. Being kind and compassionate while being clear and goal-directed are all part of a worthwhile balance and can garner respect from your team.
Meta: Emotionally intelligent leaders are best equipped to guide their team toward positive outcomes. Practice these 9 habits to become a more emotionally intelligent leader.
Work relationships can be among the hardest to maintain. Leaders who have developed a high level of emotional intelligence (EI) are best equipped to guide their team toward positive outcomes. "Perhaps the biggest surprise for me has been the impact of EI in the world of business, particularly in the areas of leadership and employee development," writes Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More than IQ. "The Harvard Business Review has hailed emotional intelligence as 'a ground-breaking, paradigm-shattering idea,' one of the most influential business ideas of the decade."
Emotional intelligence includes a specific set of habits that can be learned and honed to improve leadership skills. Practicing the 9 habits listed below will help you become a more emotionally intelligent leader:
Look at sent email messages to see how you communicate.
Personal competence is one of the main domains of emotional intelligence. In being self-aware about the way you communicate, you can gently shift into more useful behaviors. Are you using positive and clear language? Is the content of your email respectful and helpful?
Keep a journal at the office.
Journaling on a personal level is wonderful for tapping into your emotions. At work, you can use this form of self-care to watch for healthy patterns that are worth repeating and negative patterns to cut from your behaviors.
Use shadow coaching with your staff.
Observe your team in real-time and give feedback on their individual work and the way they work as a group. Are they collaborative or closed? Is there an incentive to show initiative?
Use breathing exercises or other techniques to present a calm self.
Self-regulation and motivation are important in a leader. As the captain goes, so goes the ship. Your team will feel you are more approachable when you remain calm even in tense situations.
In each interaction with a member of your team, work on listening.
Make sure that your employee feels heard. You can practice specific F of paraphrasing to demonstrate your empathy with each member of your staff.
Foster clear and open communication within your team.
Encourage peers to give one another constructive feedback and model what constructive criticism should look like. Ask for input on areas where your staff are encountering problems or pushback.
Build strong bonds between members of your team.
Encourage teamwork and collaboration by facilitating a healthy work environment that rewards positive interactions.
Observe the emotional landscape of your organization.
Watch your team and see how they react in times of stress. As big deadlines approach are staff members calling out sick? They may be experiencing feelings of burnout. Replicate past success by taking note of when your team has the best productivity.
Listen to audio recordings of phone and in-person meetings.
Identify barriers to listening, including jumping to conclusions, misdirected questions, and not paying attention. When you review the meetings and model healthier behavior, your staff will also become more attentive.
Remember that building emotional intelligence in yourself and in your team is not only good for fostering teamwork and collaboration; it also increases profitability and productivity in the office. Employee retention rates are higher in companies where the leadership demonstrates increased levels of EI.
Which habits can you implement today?
I am so fortunate to have my mom close by. She's healthy, active and sharp as a tack at 89 years young (she'd say, "Are you putting that on the internet?").
We've been spending a lot of time together lately, with Mother's Day, her birthday and other family events over the past two weeks. I am like her in many ways: a fun-loving extrovert, a people person. She's out of the house every day volunteering, pursuing hobbies and having fun.
She knows everyone by name at bingo, church, and even the grocery store. And she knows a little something about them. She knows how to make people feel at ease and to make a connection.
I've definitely learned a lot from her (though she's way better at remembering names than I am!). She was the first person to teach me about emotional intelligence.
Here are three things more things I learned about EI from my mom:
You get more flies with honey than vinegar. One of mom's favorite expressions speaks to how important is it to "be nice." You will definitely get more cooperation and collaboration if you are authentically pleasant, easy-going and "sweet." You can choose to be sour or sweet. You get what you put in. All the elements of EI - self-awareness, social awareness, self-management AND relationship management - are represented. Smart cookie!!
Mind your Ps and Qs. While the origin of the term is unclear, my mom always gave this advice. It meant to have good manners and be mindful of what you do and say. Clearly self-management. She also said, in a more restrictive tone, "Sit there with two feet in one shoe."
You never know who you'll run into, so be good! If you look beyond the hint of paranoia, you'll see that behavior matters. It's how you behave and treat others when no one is watching that is the true test of character. Take an interest in other people. Try to understand their perspective.
And always follow the Golden Rule.
Emotional intelligence is more than just being sweet! Join me for a 6-week online course that starts tomorrow. Click here for all the details.
Becoming a stronger leader does not happen overnight. It is a continual process built around the core of improving your emotional intelligence. Already improving your Self-Awareness? Time to move onto improving your awareness of others' emotional experience through Social Awareness.
Moving beyond self-awareness and self-management, a leader observes the behavior of the team. Through social awareness, employees feel heard and appreciated. Weekly meetings are the perfect time to practice active listening. Paraphrasing feelings, content, and meaning, as well as variations within the group are a good way to make members of the team feel heard. Matching and mirroring others people's feelings are also good exercises to being to improve social awareness.
These are skills where empathy is built and developed. Perspective-taking and reflection are key to effective leadership.
Good leaders are empathic and have an emotional understanding of and concern for their team. This can be evident in as small a gesture as noticing when an employee is sad or distressed. Facilitate discussions of points of tension and note where the company can make things less stressful.
Hearing and understanding the feelings behind what a colleague or client communicates is represented on a macro level through company culture. Company culture is more than a dress code and Bagel Friday; find out which parts of the mission statement resonate the most with your team. Notice group dynamics and find out what unique strengths and talents each person brings to the team and what keeps them engaged. Set the tone with your own emotionally intelligent style.
A great leader uses active listening skills and finds commonalities across people and situations. They use self-management and adaptability to guide their team to the desired goal. By practicing self-management and modeling it to newer members of the team, the level of social awareness will raise as each person identifies their motivation.
Which management style works best for your team? Experiment with different methods with strengths and emotional intelligence in mind.
Becoming a stronger leader does not happen overnight. It is a continual process that includes developing the essential skills to improve your Emotional Intelligence (EI). This is Part 1 of our series: Become a Stronger Leader Through Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness.
One of the foundational principles of EI includes emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence. Leaders who are aware of their internal responses and are self-confident are in a better position to understand others and to succeed. Do you know your triggers and predispositions? The more self-aware you become, the better leader you can be.
A good leader is one who knows her strengths and weaknesses. Self-awareness builds on other aspects of emotional intelligence to understand where you shine and where you might need to do some polishing. In today's competitive environment, making time for self-reflection will help you stand out from the crowd.
Leaders who are aware of triggers and expectations are better able to tweak their managing style for a positive outcome. For example, self-reflection and mindfulness can help if a manager needs to manage frustration in meetings. Developing a robust emotional vocabulary also helps to pinpoint and articulate specific, nuanced feelings.
Self-assessment can simply include journaling or quiet reflection, i.e., any specific time set aside to understand your thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness practice can also be useful, as well as asking others what they think are your strengths. Readily available personality assessments such as Meyers-Briggs and StrengthsFinder 2.0 can help guide you toward identifying your main strengths. Recording meetings or phone calls (with permission, of course) and playing them back later can help a leader to identify specific trouble areas and plan more effective responses in future situations. Working with a team member or a coach on these areas can also be extremely useful.
Shadow coaching is an excellent way to build confidence in leadership skills. A coach will observe the group dynamic in the work environment, with special attention paid to the leader of the group. Immediate feedback encourages the best behaviors while creating the opportunity to improve on less desirable actions.
Unlike your Intelligence Quotient, or IQ, EQ can be learned through a particular set of competencies, skills, and qualities. Ready to increase your EI?
What are some ways that have helped you increase your self-awareness?
Earlier this week I had the pleasure to present a non-profit seminar hosted by the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce. Attendees came to learn how to use their strengths to become stronger leaders and build stronger teams. One of the takeaways from the presentation is a series of areas where you can focus to maximize your leadership potential. Think about each of these through a lens of strengths. Where do you or your team do well in a specific area? Where do you want to improve?
Lead with emotional intelligence. Being self-aware of your emotions will help you tune in to the emotions of your co-workers as well. You will respond in more appropriate ways and create a calmer work environment.
Embrace and prepare for change. Change can be a catalyst for positive growth. When you embrace and prepare for change as the leader in a non-profit, your team will respond better when faced with a new situation. They are taking their cues from you as to whether this change is welcome or unwanted.
Communicate effectively. Clear instructions delivered in a collaborative way can help save time on new projects. Share the information needed to give your team a focus and shared goal. Create an environment where questions are welcomed.
Foster teamwork and collaboration. Encourage your team to trust and rely on one another by assigning projects that can benefit from multiple viewpoints. Reward the group as a whole for a job well done rather than singling out individual contributions.
Be a coach. Encourage the growth of every member on your team. You want to share in their success and be there to celebrate their achievements. Give your staff the tools they need to improve their skills.
Practice self-care. Model the importance of scheduling time off after completing a big project. Allow yourself to savor a job well done without racing back to the next task on your to do list.
How can you put these steps into action for yourself and your team?
Valentine's Day is coming up soon and love is on the mind of many. From red greeting cards and balloons to boxes of chocolates and bouquets of roses, expressions of love are being marketed as tangible goods to be bought. In healthy relationships, love is shown in a multitude of ways in addition to thoughtful gifts.
The 1970 movie Love Story still has cultural significance decades later. Today the famous line "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is quoted and adapted to cover all manner of transgressions. For those of you too young to have seen the original movie, here's a quick synopsis:
In the movie, the characters Jenny and Oliver are friends with vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds who fall in love to the dismay of Oliver's wealthy parents. When Oliver is disowned for choosing Jenny over his wealth and status, the couple begins to build their life together. After a big fight, Jenny says "Love means never having to say you're sorry" to Oliver when he tries apologizing for his anger.
Jenny and Oliver's relationship is not an ideal representation of a healthy marriage and it's not meant to be. Off the silver screen, relationships are complicated and full of personal idiosyncrasies. With my clients, the focus is on improving leadership skills in a business setting. Showing leadership at home and in our personal lives is as important as becoming a stronger leader at work.
This Valentine's Day you can show love at home and at the office by practicing these habits:
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, dear readers. I hope that the holiday finds you sharing love and feeling loved. Thank you for reading.
Bonus: Do you know that Love Story has the line "Love means never having to say you're sorry" once again in the film? You will have to watch the movie to find it. No spoilers here.
January can be a tough month for relationships. At work and at home, you are recovering from the holidays and may not give the time or attention you usually do to cultivating those connections. And no matter your political party, the tensions and changes in the past weeks have negative emotions running high. Whether or not you're "in love" or in a romantic relationship, it's a good time to think about how you share the love in your daily life.
What does it mean to be authentic? Georg Winkler, founder and organizer of TEDx Camarillo, says that the authentic version of your self is the unabridged version. Winkler, Business Coordinator of the Russell Fischer Business Collection at the City of Camarillo Public Library, said “By default, and regardless of our best intentions, we experience an abridged version of our world. My goal for TEDxCamarillo was to share the ‘Unabridged’ version.”
As a TEDx talker myself, I was delighted to be one of the Emcees for this year's TEDx Camarillo: Unabridged. The venue of the Camarillo Public Library was perfect for the theme as the home to several unabridged tomes and collections that visitors can enjoy. Friends of the Camarillo Library and a host of community volunteers have made this event possible.
This year's attendees heard remarkable live speakers and TED Talk videos. Speakers ranged from psychologists to hearing impaired advocates, CEO’s, and recent college graduates. The unabridged truths from speakers Andros Sturgeon, Cindy Liu, Elizabeth Chapin, Julie Merrick, Linnae Mallette, Mike Williams, Robert Duff, Sarah Khan, and Dr. Stephen Trudeau were enlightening and inspiring.
I can't wait to share the links to their amazing talks when they are released.
Sharing the whole of yourself in front of a large live audience and a larger online audience takes a lot of courage. Speaking up about your beliefs and sharing your experiences is a wonderful way to share the love. As we rapidly approach Valentine's Day, how can you best show your true self and share the love in your community?
Our local university has a new president, the second in the school’s history, so this is a big deal! She has inherited an outstanding legacy left by the first president. Now it’s her turn to make it her own.
She’s a high profile leader with an exciting and demanding new job. She’s getting to know her community, and we’re getting to know her. She’s been connecting with students, faculty and staff in various ways. She clearly has a lot to attend to. Imagine the learning curve!!
The media and the university have been reporting on her first few months as everyone gets to know her. Of course the media coverage includes some personal interest stories. One was a feature article in the “Outdoors” section of the local paper that highlights people in the community and how they take advantage of the beautiful place we live. Totally appropriate.
I thought it was a great piece that told a brief story of how she makes time for her family, herself and her work by getting outside in Ventura County: hiking, surfing and even doing yoga.
I was delighted to learn how she prioritizes time to recharge and focus on self-care.
How cool!
I decided to look at the comments on the article, and I was shocked. Instead of giving kudos to this local leader, the comments were pretty harsh. “She should be doing her job, not doing yoga.” “Who cares about what she does in her free time?” “What is she doing for the students?”
WHAT?
The criticism around self-care was staggering. Why shouldn’t she take care of herself? Enjoy her surroundings? Play with her kids? Surf with the students? I’m sure she’s working hard. This article was about how she gets outside.
I couldn’t bite my tongue. Here’s the thread:
Self-aggrandizing, millennial narcissism? Wow.
Is this what people think about self-care?
No wonder we run ourselves into the ground.
We can also have “internet trolls” in our heads.
I’ve heard it from my clients. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t have the time. I have too much to do. It’s selfish. I have to take care of ([PERSON] [TASK] [EVERYTHING OTHER THAN SELF]).
I do it myself. I schedule time into my day and week to regroup, recharge and take care of me. And I advise my clients to do the same.
That’s not lazy, self-absorbed, narcissism. It’s biology. The body needs down time to recover, all the way to regenerating the neurotransmitters in the brain. Ironically (or not), CSUCI faculty is studying self-care in nurses. Research shows nurses with better self-care deliver better care to others and are less apt to develop compassion fatigue and burnout.
Those are powerful results.
Because if you're taking care of body, mind and spirit, you are not bad or selfish. You are keeping your cup full.
Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Dr. Erika Beck has a lot of pouring to do as a new university President. I’m glad to know she’s keeping her cup full.
How do you make time for self-care? How do you address the internet trolls in your head?
When you go to work every day, do you have the chance to do what you do best, what you love to do most, and what gets you excited, motivated and ready to dive in? If that’s how you feel, great! You’re working to your strengths, which means you are probably more productive, more engaged and even happier than those who aren't able to use their strengths on a regular basis.
When you know your own strengths, you’ll start focusing more on the strengths of others. It’s inevitable. It will change your perspective about how you work at your best and how to bring out the best in your team.
I didn't always think this way. In fact, I spent the first 20 years of my career focused almost entirely on what was wrong with people.
As a psychologist developing mental health assessment tools, I figured out ways to measure people's symptoms, pathology and disorders. I even worked on the "bible" of diagnosis: the DSM-IV (you'll find my name in the Acknowledgments - got the job as a grad student and enjoyed years of intensive learning [and pathologizing] for the greater good).
But at a certain point, I didn't want to look through the lens of weakness and pathology any more.
In my coach training, I learned about positive psychology and strengths-based approaches from other psychologists and mental health providers who had already shifted their perspective.
What surprised me was not that focusing on strengths had a positive impact but that so few people were applying a strengths-based approach to leadership. Organizations often put too much emphasis on the areas where you need to improve instead of the areas where you're already doing well and where extra emphasis could make you a star performer.
So whether you're in charge of a small work group or an entire division, here are 8 ways you can be a stronger leader and create a dynamic team that's more efficient, engaged and satisfied,
Use a Strengths-Based Approach. Am I repeating myself? Of course, you want to start with your strengths - that sweet spot between what you do well and what you love to do. Understanding your strengths and the strengths of others sets the tone to bring out the best in everyone.
I recommend taking the Strengthsfinder 2.0 from the Gallup organization to learn your Top 5. You can also get the workbook I use with my clients, "Use Your Strengths to Reach Your Goals," as my strengths-based gift to you!
Develop Emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the ability to understand yourself and others, as well as manage your own emotions and respond appropriately to those of others.
Some refer to it as a “soft skill,” but EI accounts for the majority of success in top leaders, far more than IQ. While your innate intelligence (IQ) is to an extent fixed, your EQ can be enhanced and improved. Using your strengths to enhance your EQ can give you an edge as a top performer.
Do you know what's a great indicator of EQ? Gratitude. Expressing your appreciation is an indicator of all four components of EI. People want to be appreciated, and good leaders know that a simple thank you can go a long way.
Embrace and Prepare for Change. Like death and taxes, change is inevitable. Especially as a leader, you have to be adept at managing change, communicating the need for change clearly, understanding the steps involved and engaging others in the process. If you lead change using your strengths and the strengths of others involved in the change process, you can navigate change much more smoothly.
Communicate effectively. Good communication is key for stronger leaders. You need to be a good listener, give effective feedback and be able to address conflict head on. Another important skill related to communication is empathy. Being attuned to someone else's perspective can really help you connect, understand concerns and address them in a way that makes sense, in turn improving communication. Good stuff!
Foster Teamwork and Collaboration. Teams come alive when each member is working to their strengths. Being a strength-based leader will help you create a team that’s working at its best! Cooperative relationship-building is an asset in any task, and in developing a team, it is essential.
Practice Self Care. It’s not discussed much as a leadership skill, but self-care is an important component in leading others. When you take time for yourself, you get to recharge. Plus you’re setting a good example for others. Do you schedule breaks in the day, times to step away from what you’re doing to rejuvenate and recharge? Do you run? Do yoga? Meditate? Get a regular massage? Schedule time off?How do you take care of yourself?
Unleash Creativity. A great leader is a visionary who thinks outside the box (or realizes there are no boxes at all). What are your creative strengths? How do you get your creative juices flowing? Stimulating different areas of the brain can be extremely liberating. What’s your creative outlet?
I find that one particular app on my phone helps me be more creative: the camera. I've taken some great iPhone photography classes and love to capture pictures of flowers, sunsets and clouds (you'll find a few photos of the dog and the kid on my Camera Roll too). I keep thinking I should invest in a "real" camera, but I get a whole lot of mileage from the one that's always in my pocket. Here's a recent capture.
Be a Coach. Great leaders empower and motivate others, and there are few more effective ways to do so than to focus on the strengths of your employees. What are they great at? What do they love to do?
Help others understand and leverage their strengths more in everything they're doing. Learn to be a developer (yes, one of my Top 5). Help set strengths-based goals (which, by the way, are easier to achieve!) and an accountability plan.
Which of these elements come naturally to you as a leader? Which need some additional focus? How do you see your strengths working for you as a leader?
If you want to bring out the best in yourself and your team, connect with us on social media for ongoing resources and updates on strengths-based leadership and other professional development training programs. For email updates, enter your information above (we NEVER spam) and download a free e-workbook to start putting your strengths to work right away.
You can also read more on my thoughts about strengths-based leadership in this in depth interview in the Strengths-Based Leader's Toolkit.
